Before I Was a Mom

BEFORE I WAS A MOM
Author Unknown

Before I was a Mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom,
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on
Pooped on
Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom

I had complete control of:
My thoughts
My body
And my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child
So that doctors could do tests
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
When I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
Could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes

to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth
The joy
The love
The heartache
The wonder
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Generosity

I don’t believe it. I refuse to believe that the world is not good. They say that with this economy, people have become stingy and the spirit of giving is dying. Let me tell you about my week, and you’ll side with me.

Friday morning I had an appointment to get my hair trimmed, a rarity for me. What a great start to the day: I showed up and enjoyed being washed, cut, and dried, a pampering that cannot be replicated at home. I was thrilled with it all and when I went to pay, she said that my hair cut had been paid for in full. After a short conversation, I nailed down a sneaky, very generous lady we both knew. When I saw her later that morning, and I knew she would not accept repayment, I simply said, “Thank you.” A very difficult thing, that is: to know that someone did something nice for you, know you can’t repay them, and say two simple words. I was a happy girl that day.

Saturday morning I was on my way to do some Christmas shopping with Emily. To start the day, we went through the drive-through at Starbucks, another discretionary expense we’ve cut down drastically. I was feeling like treating us, so I went big: a grande, and some cookies and milk for Emily. There were a few cars in front of me so we waited. When I got to the counter to pay, the cashier said our bill was taken care of. What?!?! Was my generous friend following me? Nope, but an anonymous stranger in a blue Durango told the cashier that she hoped it made my day. It did.

Please don’t mistaken my joy for greed…the emotion I felt was not selfish. On the contrary, I am so grateful that these two people are the proof that we, as a nation, as a world, as a human race, haven’t gone nasty and greedy. Starting now, I intend to be that proof as well.

Our Favorite Veteran

Growing up in a semi-sheltered suburban household, I didn't give much thought to Veteran's Day. I never questioned it either, as it was a day off school or work.

When I was 12, I visited the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington DC. I ran my hands over the wall of engraved names, and for the first time in my life, had a tangible connection with a soldier's sacrifice. I didn't fully get it at the time, but as I think back about that day, the heaviness overwhelms me. I can remember looking at the names, and then my own reflection staring back at me. It means something today.

In our house, Veteran's Day is about celebration and remembrance. It's about remembering those who have selflessly given their lives to protect our freedoms, and it's about celebrating our favorite veteran, the one who lives in our home. Ryan (hubby and Daddy, to us) served over eight years in the US Navy, where he was deployed to Puerto Rico, East Timor, Spain, and Kuwait. When he was home, he spent almost 1/3 of his time at Fort Hunter Liggett (northern California). We missed him a lot, but he was proud to do his duty. Although it was hard on our family, a change in his plans didn't come until October 2006 when Emily was born. He once saw a buddy return home to a son who ran the other way because he didn't recognize his own dad. Ryan decided that the active duty life was not the best for us. He was honorably discharged in September 2007 and we moved home to be near our families. By January 2008 he was enlisted as a reservist with the California Air National Guard. He is still serving today.

Today, say thank you to a veteran. And pray for them, to the God who is the only way to true freedom. FDR thought it best to pray before D-Day, and he led the nation this prayer:

Almighty God,
Our sons, pride of our nation, this day have set upon a mighty endeavor, a struggle to preserve our Republic, our religion, and our civilization, and to set free a suffering humanity. Lead them straight and true; give strength to their arms, stoutness to their hearts, steadfastness in their faith.
They will need Thy blessings. Their road will be long and hard. Men's souls will be shaken with the violence of war. For these men are lately drawn from the ways of peace. They fight not for the lust of conquest. They fight to end conquest. They fight to liberate. They fight to let justice arise, and tolerance and goodwill among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of home. Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy heroic servants, into Thy kingdom.
And for us at home - fathers, mothers, children, wives, sisters, and brothers of brave men overseas, whose thoughts and prayers are ever with them - help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice. Many people have urged that I call the nation into a single day of special prayer. But because the road is long and the desire is great, I ask that our people devote themselves in a continuance of prayer. And, O Lord, give us faith. Give us faith in Thee; faith in our sons; faith in each other; faith in our united crusade. Let not the keenness of our spirit ever be dulled. With Thy blessing, we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy. Help us to conquer the apostles of greed and racial arrogances. Lead us to the saving of our country, and with our sister nations into a world unity that will spell a sure peace - a peace invulnerable to the schemes of unworthy men. And a peace that will let all of men live in freedom, reaping the just rewards of their honest toil. Thy will be done, Almighty God. Amen.

Someday, Emily will hear the stories. She will know where her Daddy's boots walked, and she will know the giver of real freedom. Until then, we'll pray. Continually. Not for conquest, but for liberation. And we'll say thanks, for a life dedicated to service above self, something God calls for, and something we are so proud to have in our home.

The Wonder of It All

Yesterday as I was driving, I saw the most beautiful sky. It was bright blue and, with the timing of the sunset, there were giant red stripes screaming across it. I can tell you why the light makes those gorgeous mix of colors, but I'll spare you. Someone once said that explaining those awe-inspiring moments takes the wonder away. I spent all night thinking about that. Did I think sunsets were less spectacular after I learned about wavelengths? Did I admire the blue of the ocean less once I was taught light refraction? Did I have less reverence for the hand of God in his creation of the human body with thorough explanation of the ATP cycle?

If you've spent any time in Dr. Tro's chemistry class, you would hate to go toe-to-toe with him over any of these questions. He will tell you that he became a chemist in order to better understand God and his magnificent wonders. Studying science at Westmont was one of the best things I did for my brain and my soul. It made me find harmony in two worlds that often battle, and for that I am thankful.

I only have more reverence for a God who can put colors like this together, make the vast ocean appear blue, AND invent the ATP Cycle.