Love Letters

Today I stumbled across a lovely blog post in which Amber writes a Marriage Letter every Monday to her husband. As I read her thoughtful note, I pondered what mine would have looked like over the past 9-ish years. I'm ashamed to think that my notes would not be nearly as thoughtful, and would probably be filled with nagging angst (note to self: let go), or go something like this:

Dear Ryan, I am exhausted from scrubbing bathroom floors, changing poopy chonies, and working an extra three hours from home after an 8-hour work day. Thanks for picking up Taco Bell for dinner. If it's okay with you, I'll catch up with you another day - I promise I'll write something real sincere. Also, it's trash day tomorrow so don't forget to put the cans out. Much love, your snoring beauty

I'd probably throw in a couple of cliches about love and reminisce about one of our favorite memories. But I love that Amber (we're on a first-name basis) really has devoted time and consideration into her letter (something I used to do, pre-babies), which reminds me that a good marriage doesn't just happen. It requires constant care and reflection, in a deliberate way, not something that happens by chance. My favorite part of the letter is this:

Our marriage has been one little failure after another, strengthened by every single time we say, “but I’m still here.” Patience is when you say, “but I’m still here.” The patient love is what inches us forward, believing in the unseen. Patience is when you walk on the waters of hope for me, when I’m refusing the vision.

It makes us feel like a miracle

Lovely and honest. Thanks for keeping it real, Amber. We are all trying to figure out how to do marriage best. I wouldn't say that my marriage has been one failure after another, but I will admit to making the same mistakes and demands over and over, sometimes learning, while sometimes choosing pride and callousness instead. This marriage business can be a tough road at times, but promising to hang in there together makes those sweet stretches even more worth it. And, yes, sometimes it does make us feel like a miracle.

Here's to more date nights, less nagging, and a promise of relentless grace and patience for the one whom my soul loves.