1. http://www.fmylife.com/ - Think your life is bad? Check out these stories from this hilariously entertaining website:
2. Some e-cards - E-cards for that special occasion, and for that special somebody who must enjoy sarcasm and maybe a crude joke. I am proud to say that I know a few people I would send these to.Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML.
Today, my husband dropped me off at work, ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you." I asked him about it and he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan." My name isn't Megan, not even close. FML
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML.
Today, a Girl Scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a Girl Scout. FML.
Today is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparently my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked in front of half my school. FML.
3. Cake Wrecks - I've blogged about it before. Remember the Baby Cake? Horrible messes made of cakes...misspellings, bad art, and bad ideas.This is one titled The Problem with Phone Orders4. Funny or Die - Please tell me you've seen The Landlord. Will Farrell gets no mercy from Pearl. Lots of videos and celeb cameos.
[answering phone] "Cakey Cake Bakery, Jill speaking! How can I help you?"
"Hi, I need to order a cake for my boss. We have a photo of him playing golf that we'd like to put on it, though - can you do that?"
"Of course! Just bring the photo in on a USB drive and we'll print it out here."
"Great, I'll bring it by this afternoon."Later..."Hey, Jill, what am I putting on this cake?"
"Oh, check the counter; I left the jump drive out for you there."[calling from the back room] "Really? This is what they want on the cake?"
"Yeah, the customer just brought it in."
"Okey dokey!"Believe it or not, this is a TRUE story: Elisabeth R. worked at the office in question. Besides, how could I ever make up something this good?
5. Chelsea Lately. Okay, this one is really a late-night TV show. On E. I know, the lowest of all lows, but it is hilarious and makes late-night nursings enjoyable! Here are a few tid-bits from Chelsea Handler:
According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don’t get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it’s from your priest; in public school, you learn from your teacher; and some guys learn from their sisters…if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious—Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong
bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
6. Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic/PiperLime/Athleta
So, it is not embarrassing that I visit this site, but it is slightly embarrassing what I do there. I Dream Shop by filling up the shopping cart with items that I would buy if I won the lottery. I fill that baby up and pretend that I will look as good in the clothes as the models. Then...I close out of the window. The sad part? Eventhough I am shopping with pretend Lotto money (I don't even play!), I still check out the clearance section. I believe it is the virtual equivalent of filling up the cart at Walmart and then leaving it in a shoe isle.
There you have it. The worst of me.
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